We start our relationships full of love and desire for our partner and sadly, all too often this love disintegrates into a place of animosity and estrangement. There are many factors that cause us to move from loving our partner to treating them like the enemy.
Science First: Brain Chemicals
Were you bitten by the love bug? When we first fall in love our brain produces a cocktail of chemicals that helps us get to the attachment stage of our relationships and marriage. These chemicals cause thoughts of our partners to pop into our heads and to only see the good in them. Unfortunately the production of these chemicals declines over time and we return to our normal state. This is not your partner’s fault!
Only the Good
In the early stages we see all the wonderful possibilities of our partners. Then as time passes we start to see their shortfalls, the behaviours that aren't so attractive. We criticize these behaviours and try to get them to change. The more we criticize the more conflict occurs, the more we try to force change the more animosity arises. Before you know it we look at our partner as the enemy only seeing the negative behaviours. We no longer seeing the things we originally loved about then.
When you first got together what attracted you to your partner?
The Person Who Helps Us Heal
Harvel Hendrix and many others in the counseling field believe that the person we attract as a partner has similar attributes as our early childhood caregivers, both good and bad. The attributes of our caregivers contribute to our emotional conditioning and marriage becomes the container in which we can do our healing. Our partner is often a perfect mirror reflecting back what needs to be healed in us. Because we don’t know how to heal we often see our partner as the enemy rather than our coach!
• What would you like to change about your partner?
• How does this apply to you?
• Who could help you with the healing?
Getting our Needs Met
In the early stages of relationship we are often willing to do whatever we can for our partner. We take care of their unmet needs for love and recognition. If one person is doing more of the giving, eventually they start to ask the question “what am I getting out of this?” They withdraw the services they were providing in the name of love and become more demanding. When this occurs neither partner is getting their needs met and both people are often feeling unloved and dissatisfied.
• What do you need your partner to do for you to feel happy?
• What is one thing you could do for your partner to make them happy?
Unmet Expectations
When we come together with a partner we have an image or an idea of what the relationship could become. We fall in love with this idea or vision as much as we fall in love with the person. This creates an expectation or a story about what our relationship could or should be. When it doesn’t match our vision, we feel disappointed and another story about our worst fears or concerns begins to take shape. Most of us blame the other person for not living up to our expectations and make them wrong.
• What unmet expectation do you have about your relationship?
• How could you let go of this expectation to re-engage in your relationship?
Lack of Effort and Investment
Early in a relationship we put our best foot forward in all kinds of ways. We dress up and look our best, show up on time or call when we are late, keep our house clean and the dishes done. As time wears on, our best efforts disappear and we return to normal or even worse. We no longer pay attention to what our clothes look like, the house is messy and needs cleaning, there are dirty dishes in the sink; the list goes on. We stop making an effort to impress our partner and be our best; we stop investing in the relationship.
What is one thing that you could do to invest in your relationship?
Mismatched Sexual Desires
Sexual activity is generally fundamental for longevity of relationships. There are some exceptions where both partners have mutually agreed that sexual relationships are not desired. These however are often the exception not the norm. Sex either becomes a weapon that couples use to hurt each other or it declines into relative obscurity. If sexual activity is desired there is always someone outside the relationship who will appreciate what is not appreciated at home. Lack of fidelity is the ultimate step into the camp of the enemy.
The demise of the feelings of love have many causes; it may be quick within a few years of getting married or it may be a gradual slipping into the abyss of disappointment and blame as our partners prove to be someone different than who we wanted. Essentially it’s up to us to make the choices to keep our relationships thriving once the ‘in love’ brain chemicals subside.
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/
http://www.workeasy4livebalance.com/
Friday, January 6, 2012
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
7 Benefits of Working Collaboratively for Life Balance
Two years ago, my partner Jacque and I set the intention to work easy. Since then we have worked collaboratively to teach people how to release their emotional baggage quickly and easily, and give them back their lives.
Working collaboratively has been invaluable for both of us in our business. Here are the benefits we have received:
Less Money
It was clear I needed to do more to promote my coaching practice but I thought I would have to spend more money to do so. Working together we combined our resources for Maestro Conferences and Constant Contact to promote our businesses. Plus we invested in the development of a blog at http://workeasy4lifebalance.com/
Saves Time
We joined forces to collaboratively promote our businesses by jointly writing a monthly newsletter and blog articles. In less than an hour each month we were able to quickly outline each month’s newsletter. Developing the articles felt like a breeze. Plus jointly developing and delivering our Emotional Hot Button Removal Workshops, rather than competing, saved both of us a lot of time.
Creativity and Productivity
Working together we came up with more creative ideas to promote our services. Instead of struggling on our own through the process of coming up with ideas for articles we have a conversation, and the knowledge we want to share freely flows out of us. We also decided to start the free monthly Catalyst LIVE! tele-call to share our conversation about living magical lives with listeners. Working collaboratively has greatly increased productivity as well as enhancing the quality of ideas we generate.
Learning
We each have unique talents and strengths that we can share as strategic business partners. Jacque brings vast knowledge of business to our relationship that I can draw from in my own business and to support my entrepreneur clients. She has appreciated and grown with my knowledge from 20 years of spiritual exploration and teaching in both formal and informal settings.
Support
Mastermind partners are a huge source of support. This is especially true for Jacque and I as we are both coaches. We use our coaching skills to support each other’s personal growth and business development; especially if either of us is emotionally triggered. We are able to use our unique coaching techniques to bring our emotional reactions to completion and keep moving forward.
Accountability
Our agreement to meet regularly every Monday morning has kept us on track to keep building our businesses. Our commitment to one another has been invaluable to take on new challenges. With dividing my time between my business and serving Self Employment Program clients, without our scheduled meetings it would have been very easy to lose focus on the promotion and development of business and to let our workshops lapse. Most of our business meetings start with a check in, allowing us to clear anything that might keep us from being at the top of our game. Our partnership has kept both of us focused on all aspects of our business.
Fun
Finally, another intention we set was to have fun and do work that we love. This way work would feel easy rather than hard. By bouncing ideas off each other we inspire each other, giving us more energy to pour into our work and life. We have fun, get things done with ease, and produce better work together than either one of us could have done on our own.
Working together really has made our lives easier and given us life balance. Who could wish for anything more for their life than inspiring work they love and a sense of balance in their life?
Who could you work more collaborative with?
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
Lynne@LivingInVision.com
Living In Vision Enterprises
Working collaboratively has been invaluable for both of us in our business. Here are the benefits we have received:
Less Money
It was clear I needed to do more to promote my coaching practice but I thought I would have to spend more money to do so. Working together we combined our resources for Maestro Conferences and Constant Contact to promote our businesses. Plus we invested in the development of a blog at http://workeasy4lifebalance.com/
Saves Time
We joined forces to collaboratively promote our businesses by jointly writing a monthly newsletter and blog articles. In less than an hour each month we were able to quickly outline each month’s newsletter. Developing the articles felt like a breeze. Plus jointly developing and delivering our Emotional Hot Button Removal Workshops, rather than competing, saved both of us a lot of time.
Creativity and Productivity
Working together we came up with more creative ideas to promote our services. Instead of struggling on our own through the process of coming up with ideas for articles we have a conversation, and the knowledge we want to share freely flows out of us. We also decided to start the free monthly Catalyst LIVE! tele-call to share our conversation about living magical lives with listeners. Working collaboratively has greatly increased productivity as well as enhancing the quality of ideas we generate.
Learning
We each have unique talents and strengths that we can share as strategic business partners. Jacque brings vast knowledge of business to our relationship that I can draw from in my own business and to support my entrepreneur clients. She has appreciated and grown with my knowledge from 20 years of spiritual exploration and teaching in both formal and informal settings.
Support
Mastermind partners are a huge source of support. This is especially true for Jacque and I as we are both coaches. We use our coaching skills to support each other’s personal growth and business development; especially if either of us is emotionally triggered. We are able to use our unique coaching techniques to bring our emotional reactions to completion and keep moving forward.
Accountability
Our agreement to meet regularly every Monday morning has kept us on track to keep building our businesses. Our commitment to one another has been invaluable to take on new challenges. With dividing my time between my business and serving Self Employment Program clients, without our scheduled meetings it would have been very easy to lose focus on the promotion and development of business and to let our workshops lapse. Most of our business meetings start with a check in, allowing us to clear anything that might keep us from being at the top of our game. Our partnership has kept both of us focused on all aspects of our business.
Fun
Finally, another intention we set was to have fun and do work that we love. This way work would feel easy rather than hard. By bouncing ideas off each other we inspire each other, giving us more energy to pour into our work and life. We have fun, get things done with ease, and produce better work together than either one of us could have done on our own.
Working together really has made our lives easier and given us life balance. Who could wish for anything more for their life than inspiring work they love and a sense of balance in their life?
Who could you work more collaborative with?
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
Lynne@LivingInVision.com
Living In Vision Enterprises
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Casting out Demons and Lightening Up
This time of year always seems like endarkenment to me. As the days get shorter, the weather gloomier, it feels like an emotionally down season. Unresolved material gets stirred up from the past like the ghosts and skeletons of Halloween.
Perhaps there’s some wisdom in the Indian celebration of light – Diwali which celebrates the casting out of demons by lighting lanterns. What if we took that approach to casting out old emotional demons and celebrating a new lightness of being?
Or, for those of you following the planetary ascension progression of triple date portals this month, 11:11:11 is an invitation to set intention for enlightenment. As the world becomes darker each day we can choose to raise our inner frequency, to shine our inner radiance and light up the world around us.
There will always be darkness and light. Where do you want to put your focus? It’s all about intent. There may be more darkness in some areas of our lives than others. Like sweeping the proverbial dirt under the rug, we may choose to keep ourselves in the dark about the very things we want to change. Working with people as a healer and a coach it’s interesting to notice how we would rather hang on to our pain, or negative stories than change or let them go.
What is it that keeps us from letting go of old ways of being? Usually the biggest barrier is being afraid to look inside. We continue along blithely accepting we are the way we are, unwilling to look under the surface for fear of what we may find out. We imagine what’s going on inside will be even worse than what we’re currently experiencing. Like the ghosts and goblins we imagined under our bed as kids; it could be scary, emotionally overwhelming or traumatic to look inside.
We are deeply conditioned to avoid pain and trauma. The irony is that quite often our fear of facing what we don’t want to feel is more painful than experiencing the energy of the actual event. When we allow ourselves to feel the energy of an emotion and move through and beyond the emotional experience, it’s quite painless. We can move energy with virtually no emotional trauma, unlike traditional counselling therapies where releasing can be very traumatic; lots of crying, major catharsis, etc. Recipients may feel much better afterward, but can be emotionally drained by the process and often only a small amount of emotional energy has been released.
On a more subtle level, we may be deeply identified with our own behavioural patterns. We are so used to being a certain way it feels normal. For example we may have been depressed for so long we don’t know what it feels like not to be. Or we may have felt anxious or overly stressed to the point that we can no longer recollect what calm feels like.
We start to accept these states as being “normal.” We may become adept in our avoidance; choosing to focus on the parts that are working and ignoring the parts that aren’t. Or we may have become a victim, knowing that life could be or should be better and being disappointed by what is not happening. It may seem like we have our nose up against a brick wall – not knowing which way to turn, or how to look over the wall. We feel stuck and struggle in a life that feels like a never ending Halloween horror show.
Another reason we resist looking inside is most of us have had the experience of wanting to hide some part of ourselves from others. We talk about the skeletons in our closet or our demons. We feel that these parts of ourselves are suspect, we feel like we are not good enough. We fear what will happen if we expose those parts of ourselves; that we will be judged, ostracized or shut out in some way. We may feel a sense of being punished, hurt or that love will be withheld.
So we try to keep them hidden, but they jump out regardless. Others see them whether we want them to or not, they show up in our everyday behaviour. For example when we try to be confident when we're not, people notice, even though they may not say anything to us.
What would happen if we had the courage to step away from the story of who we are and let go of the image we attempt to hold up?
It is only by exposing our demons to the light and accepting them that we can truly let them go. With acceptance we can move to resolution and completion by fully feeling our present and past emotional experiences. Then there is nothing left to hide.
Imagine boosting yourself up to look over the wall and finding paradise rather than the boogie man. What would it take to look over the wall that is standing between you and paradise?
Learn techniques to resolve and complete past emotional experience in Emotional Hot Button Removal Training.
Lynne Brisdon
Professional Certified Coach
http://www.livinginvision.com/
Perhaps there’s some wisdom in the Indian celebration of light – Diwali which celebrates the casting out of demons by lighting lanterns. What if we took that approach to casting out old emotional demons and celebrating a new lightness of being?
Or, for those of you following the planetary ascension progression of triple date portals this month, 11:11:11 is an invitation to set intention for enlightenment. As the world becomes darker each day we can choose to raise our inner frequency, to shine our inner radiance and light up the world around us.
There will always be darkness and light. Where do you want to put your focus? It’s all about intent. There may be more darkness in some areas of our lives than others. Like sweeping the proverbial dirt under the rug, we may choose to keep ourselves in the dark about the very things we want to change. Working with people as a healer and a coach it’s interesting to notice how we would rather hang on to our pain, or negative stories than change or let them go.
What is it that keeps us from letting go of old ways of being? Usually the biggest barrier is being afraid to look inside. We continue along blithely accepting we are the way we are, unwilling to look under the surface for fear of what we may find out. We imagine what’s going on inside will be even worse than what we’re currently experiencing. Like the ghosts and goblins we imagined under our bed as kids; it could be scary, emotionally overwhelming or traumatic to look inside.
We are deeply conditioned to avoid pain and trauma. The irony is that quite often our fear of facing what we don’t want to feel is more painful than experiencing the energy of the actual event. When we allow ourselves to feel the energy of an emotion and move through and beyond the emotional experience, it’s quite painless. We can move energy with virtually no emotional trauma, unlike traditional counselling therapies where releasing can be very traumatic; lots of crying, major catharsis, etc. Recipients may feel much better afterward, but can be emotionally drained by the process and often only a small amount of emotional energy has been released.
On a more subtle level, we may be deeply identified with our own behavioural patterns. We are so used to being a certain way it feels normal. For example we may have been depressed for so long we don’t know what it feels like not to be. Or we may have felt anxious or overly stressed to the point that we can no longer recollect what calm feels like.
We start to accept these states as being “normal.” We may become adept in our avoidance; choosing to focus on the parts that are working and ignoring the parts that aren’t. Or we may have become a victim, knowing that life could be or should be better and being disappointed by what is not happening. It may seem like we have our nose up against a brick wall – not knowing which way to turn, or how to look over the wall. We feel stuck and struggle in a life that feels like a never ending Halloween horror show.
Another reason we resist looking inside is most of us have had the experience of wanting to hide some part of ourselves from others. We talk about the skeletons in our closet or our demons. We feel that these parts of ourselves are suspect, we feel like we are not good enough. We fear what will happen if we expose those parts of ourselves; that we will be judged, ostracized or shut out in some way. We may feel a sense of being punished, hurt or that love will be withheld.
So we try to keep them hidden, but they jump out regardless. Others see them whether we want them to or not, they show up in our everyday behaviour. For example when we try to be confident when we're not, people notice, even though they may not say anything to us.
What would happen if we had the courage to step away from the story of who we are and let go of the image we attempt to hold up?
It is only by exposing our demons to the light and accepting them that we can truly let them go. With acceptance we can move to resolution and completion by fully feeling our present and past emotional experiences. Then there is nothing left to hide.
Imagine boosting yourself up to look over the wall and finding paradise rather than the boogie man. What would it take to look over the wall that is standing between you and paradise?
Learn techniques to resolve and complete past emotional experience in Emotional Hot Button Removal Training.
Lynne Brisdon
Professional Certified Coach
http://www.livinginvision.com/
Friday, October 7, 2011
Getting to Gratitude
While celebrating Thanksgiving we are reminded to be grateful and appreciative. Reminding ourselves is useful because it seems gratitude is an elusive state of being. Cultivating more of it would be hugely beneficial. Imagine what it would it be like to be consistently grateful? What would be possible?
Being grateful and appreciative feels wonderful. It’s joyful and uplifts the spirit. We feel generous and able to share. It’s empowering, gives us confidence and the ability to take on new challenges. Not only does it feel great, it gives the whole immune system a boost. When we feel good our energy radiates, positively impacting others. With these benefits it makes sense to access gratitude more often. What keeps us from doing so?
‘Well that’s obvious,’ you might be thinking, ‘there’s so much going on in my life, how could I possibly feel grateful all the time? I’m far too busy, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated about what’s not working, and worrying about what needs to be done.” Judgment and criticism may be more constant ways of being. Energetically, these feelings are stressful, heavy and difficult.
Fundamentally, it’s a choice whether you feel gratitude or find yourself grumbling and pushing hard, but it’s easier said than done. If making the choice was as easy as flipping a switch, most likely you would. The difficultly lies in habitual thinking and feeling patterns; the more we think and feel in certain ways the harder it is to change. These patterns, like ruts in the road get deeper the more they are used.
The choice we need to make is much more than an intellectual decision; it’s a deep, internal commitment. Like the air we breathe, our habitual thoughts, feelings and behaviours are invisible to us. That is, until we take the approach of observing ourselves and becoming aware of our thinking habits and their associated feelings. Then we can make new conscious choices.
One of my habits has been to worry and be concerned about having enough money. Growing up we always had enough. My parents were careful, worked hard and made practical choices. I learned to be frugal with money. Even though we enjoyed what many couldn’t, it seemed whenever I asked for some little extra thing I heard, ‘We can’t afford it.’
Attempts to change my relationship with money have been challenging. It’s hard to break out of old patterns. Especially with money, it all seems so black and white, so finite. In my experience when there’s a fixed amount coming in, outflow needs to be controlled so it can all work out. The problem is, there are often unforeseen expenses which I seem to have no control over.
Years ago, I was expressing concerns about making ends meet, and my daughter, who was about 12 at the time said, “Don’t worry Mom. There’s always enough.” She caught me off guard, because she was right. We always had a place to live, and there was always something to eat. I chose to trust my ability to consistently earn the specific amount required to cover expenses each month – and I did.
Now its time to update my beliefs. Instead of being limited to consistent income and having fears about its decline, I’d like to be grateful for what I have and put my focus on increasing income. Trusting the inbound flow and being grateful for it opens up to a much higher likelihood of recognizing opportunities to have more. Worrying about not having enough reinforces limitation and shuts off the flow.
What if income wasn’t finite and came from unforeseen sources. That would be a different experience. As I ponder this I allow all the old beliefs and feelings of worry and concern to surface and as they do I, resolve them. Releasing internal conflict allows me to access the feelings of having enough, even having more than enough.
From this place I can also choose to be grateful for all the talents and resources I have to share. This feels much more empowering. What if, I simply believed in my own abilities in the same way I believe in others?
Making the shift from grumbling to gratitude has huge benefits for us. The law of attraction states that we attract to us the energy we send out. So if we are exuding the grumbling, closed down energy of limitation and not enough, that is what we are likely to attract more of. If we send out positive vibrant energy others perceive it and want some of that energy for themselves. When we exude the energy of gratitude we attract the same kind of energy back to us opening up whole new possibilities and opportunities.
What would you rather do? Open up exciting new possibilities or attract more difficult challenges?
Being grateful and appreciative feels wonderful. It’s joyful and uplifts the spirit. We feel generous and able to share. It’s empowering, gives us confidence and the ability to take on new challenges. Not only does it feel great, it gives the whole immune system a boost. When we feel good our energy radiates, positively impacting others. With these benefits it makes sense to access gratitude more often. What keeps us from doing so?
‘Well that’s obvious,’ you might be thinking, ‘there’s so much going on in my life, how could I possibly feel grateful all the time? I’m far too busy, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated about what’s not working, and worrying about what needs to be done.” Judgment and criticism may be more constant ways of being. Energetically, these feelings are stressful, heavy and difficult.
Fundamentally, it’s a choice whether you feel gratitude or find yourself grumbling and pushing hard, but it’s easier said than done. If making the choice was as easy as flipping a switch, most likely you would. The difficultly lies in habitual thinking and feeling patterns; the more we think and feel in certain ways the harder it is to change. These patterns, like ruts in the road get deeper the more they are used.
The choice we need to make is much more than an intellectual decision; it’s a deep, internal commitment. Like the air we breathe, our habitual thoughts, feelings and behaviours are invisible to us. That is, until we take the approach of observing ourselves and becoming aware of our thinking habits and their associated feelings. Then we can make new conscious choices.
One of my habits has been to worry and be concerned about having enough money. Growing up we always had enough. My parents were careful, worked hard and made practical choices. I learned to be frugal with money. Even though we enjoyed what many couldn’t, it seemed whenever I asked for some little extra thing I heard, ‘We can’t afford it.’
Attempts to change my relationship with money have been challenging. It’s hard to break out of old patterns. Especially with money, it all seems so black and white, so finite. In my experience when there’s a fixed amount coming in, outflow needs to be controlled so it can all work out. The problem is, there are often unforeseen expenses which I seem to have no control over.
Years ago, I was expressing concerns about making ends meet, and my daughter, who was about 12 at the time said, “Don’t worry Mom. There’s always enough.” She caught me off guard, because she was right. We always had a place to live, and there was always something to eat. I chose to trust my ability to consistently earn the specific amount required to cover expenses each month – and I did.
Now its time to update my beliefs. Instead of being limited to consistent income and having fears about its decline, I’d like to be grateful for what I have and put my focus on increasing income. Trusting the inbound flow and being grateful for it opens up to a much higher likelihood of recognizing opportunities to have more. Worrying about not having enough reinforces limitation and shuts off the flow.
What if income wasn’t finite and came from unforeseen sources. That would be a different experience. As I ponder this I allow all the old beliefs and feelings of worry and concern to surface and as they do I, resolve them. Releasing internal conflict allows me to access the feelings of having enough, even having more than enough.
From this place I can also choose to be grateful for all the talents and resources I have to share. This feels much more empowering. What if, I simply believed in my own abilities in the same way I believe in others?
Making the shift from grumbling to gratitude has huge benefits for us. The law of attraction states that we attract to us the energy we send out. So if we are exuding the grumbling, closed down energy of limitation and not enough, that is what we are likely to attract more of. If we send out positive vibrant energy others perceive it and want some of that energy for themselves. When we exude the energy of gratitude we attract the same kind of energy back to us opening up whole new possibilities and opportunities.
What would you rather do? Open up exciting new possibilities or attract more difficult challenges?
Monday, September 5, 2011
Finding Forgiveness
When we think about forgiveness it’s usually associated with thoughts about people who have wronged us in some way. We feel hurt or offended and hold on to the memory and the charged emotions tied to the event. We think in terms of the person who has caused this; it is their fault. It ties into judgement and blame and we feel that if we forgive them it makes what they did OK. You may hear yourself say, “I can forgive, but not forget.”
This is not truly forgiveness. We are still holding on to a charged memory of what was done. We keep it as a reminder of what happened and make the other person responsible for what they did. It’s as if we want to hang on to it so we can show them in the future how they have hurt us.
When we look at forgiveness from an energetic perspective: For - giving – is for giving that energy back. We no longer need to carry this energy within us. When we hold on to it we keep ourselves in a disempowered place, being a victim to circumstance. We are caught in judgement of the other.
Rather than feeling like a victim and staying caught in judgement, it is useful to consider what role we have played in this drama. What part of it can we take responsibility for? It takes both people for the scenario to unfold and we are both playing a role. Both Victim and Persecutor are playing their part. What role have you played?
When we identify the role we have played and take ownership of it we can let go of the need to blame the other and forgive them and ourselves for what we have played out. In Self forgiveness we can forgive ourselves for the choices we have made thus far, and for the roles we have fallen into. You may want ask yourself if you have been playing a role based on your conditioning.
In relationships especially with a significant other, the roles usually stem back to our parental relationships. We attract into our life someone who plays the role of the parent that we had issues with, or in some way sets up a replay of the dynamics we experienced growing up.
In my colleague Jacque’s case, she had experienced the ‘poor me’ feeling in relation to her father’s aggressive behaviour. She, like many who have been persecuted took on that role herself, believing she needed to be this way in order to survive and protect herself.
She recognized she could forgive herself for being like her father. In her words, she “became assertive and aggressive if things didn’t go my way and got angry. I did this to keep myself safe, to survive and be successful. Survival and success were intertwined. I thought that in order to be successful I needed to be dominant and push hard and push my ideas forward. Just like my father.”
When met with resistance, she got frustrated, or angry. In the workplace frustration turned to being highly judgemental toward her co-workers. Disillusioned and thinking they were wrong, she made herself right. In business relationships, she was considered a difficult person to work with: smart but difficult. In her personal, marital relationship she chose a man she could dominate – who let her run the show. If she hadn’t been able to run the show there would have had nothing but conflict in their relationship.
Now Jacque has forgiven herself for being a hard, driving, demanding person who didn’t have much empathy for others. This is now so at odds with the person she has become. In letting go of her charged emotional baggage, she has developed empathy for others. Empathy has become natural and she wouldn’t choose to treat people the way she did.
There are two ways to forgive. One is to intellectually forgive ourselves for who we were and choose who we want to be now. The other way recognizes the significant emotional charge we’ve been hanging on to: repressed emotions from childhood and into adulthood. We can forgive ourselves in a deep and lasting way by letting go of the emotional energy we’ve held in our bodies. Simply resolving and being complete with the energy makes forgiveness easy and permanent.
It’s been said that harbouring resentment and not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. It festers inside us. When we forgive, we let it go. It’s a big relief.
Lynne Brisdon
Living In Vision Enterprises
This is not truly forgiveness. We are still holding on to a charged memory of what was done. We keep it as a reminder of what happened and make the other person responsible for what they did. It’s as if we want to hang on to it so we can show them in the future how they have hurt us.
When we look at forgiveness from an energetic perspective: For - giving – is for giving that energy back. We no longer need to carry this energy within us. When we hold on to it we keep ourselves in a disempowered place, being a victim to circumstance. We are caught in judgement of the other.
Rather than feeling like a victim and staying caught in judgement, it is useful to consider what role we have played in this drama. What part of it can we take responsibility for? It takes both people for the scenario to unfold and we are both playing a role. Both Victim and Persecutor are playing their part. What role have you played?
When we identify the role we have played and take ownership of it we can let go of the need to blame the other and forgive them and ourselves for what we have played out. In Self forgiveness we can forgive ourselves for the choices we have made thus far, and for the roles we have fallen into. You may want ask yourself if you have been playing a role based on your conditioning.
In relationships especially with a significant other, the roles usually stem back to our parental relationships. We attract into our life someone who plays the role of the parent that we had issues with, or in some way sets up a replay of the dynamics we experienced growing up.
In my colleague Jacque’s case, she had experienced the ‘poor me’ feeling in relation to her father’s aggressive behaviour. She, like many who have been persecuted took on that role herself, believing she needed to be this way in order to survive and protect herself.
She recognized she could forgive herself for being like her father. In her words, she “became assertive and aggressive if things didn’t go my way and got angry. I did this to keep myself safe, to survive and be successful. Survival and success were intertwined. I thought that in order to be successful I needed to be dominant and push hard and push my ideas forward. Just like my father.”
When met with resistance, she got frustrated, or angry. In the workplace frustration turned to being highly judgemental toward her co-workers. Disillusioned and thinking they were wrong, she made herself right. In business relationships, she was considered a difficult person to work with: smart but difficult. In her personal, marital relationship she chose a man she could dominate – who let her run the show. If she hadn’t been able to run the show there would have had nothing but conflict in their relationship.
Now Jacque has forgiven herself for being a hard, driving, demanding person who didn’t have much empathy for others. This is now so at odds with the person she has become. In letting go of her charged emotional baggage, she has developed empathy for others. Empathy has become natural and she wouldn’t choose to treat people the way she did.
There are two ways to forgive. One is to intellectually forgive ourselves for who we were and choose who we want to be now. The other way recognizes the significant emotional charge we’ve been hanging on to: repressed emotions from childhood and into adulthood. We can forgive ourselves in a deep and lasting way by letting go of the emotional energy we’ve held in our bodies. Simply resolving and being complete with the energy makes forgiveness easy and permanent.
It’s been said that harbouring resentment and not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. It festers inside us. When we forgive, we let it go. It’s a big relief.
Lynne Brisdon
Living In Vision Enterprises
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Addictions Caused by Emotional Baggage
For many, being affected by addiction is closer to home than we’d like to admit.
• Have you been concerned about a spouse drinking too much?
• Has your child become hooked on drugs?
• Are there people in your work team who are absent, depressed or have accidents far too often?
• Are you someone who eats and treats yourself every time your mood changes?
Addictions show up in all kinds of different ways and have significant impacts in our work and our families.
Why do people have Addictive Behaviours?
Many develop addictions or addictive behaviours to avoid feeling pain. “At some base level all addicts experience great discomfort with being in their own skin” was a remark I heard years ago in an interview with an addictions psychologist. Another source talked about addictive substances being used as a tool to manage feelings the user felt powerless to handle on their own.
At the outset a behaviour may not be addictive but rather something you do to just relieve “the pressure.” It may escalate into a habit and before long the behaviour has become an addiction. These addictive behaviours range from somewhat healthy behaviours to very unhealthy and costly behaviours. Addictive behaviours include:
• Using alcohol, nicotine, marijuana or other drugs
• Eating disorders, caffeine, chocolate
• Internet, working too much,
• Gambling, shopping, Television
• Excessive sports - triathlons, marathons, golf or billiards
• Hobbies taken to the extreme
How do you distinguish between an addiction, a habit or a practice?
A practice is something you do because you love, or commit to because of the benefits it brings you. It is something you practice to become better at.
Habits can be good or bad. It becomes a problem when there is negative affect on your health and well-being.
With addiction there is a compulsive ‘need’ to do it. Nervous energy builds up and you can’t seem to stop doing it. There may be feelings of fear at the prospect of not doing it anymore.
If the latter is the case, you may want to seek help.
An idle habit like having a glass of wine at dinner can turn into an addiction when it becomes an every day need and then turns into drinking an entire bottle of wine. Habits become compulsive behaviour when used to subconsciously suppress emotional pain. Consciously we may not even know that we are suppressing something.
As a young adult I drank because all my friends did and it was a symbol of acceptance – or so I thought. It didn't bother me at first but I began to suffer from terrible hangovers. In my attempts to stop, I examined my reasons for drinking a little more closely. Being a bit shy and self conscious, a few drinks would loosen me up. I could converse much more easily, and had more fun. However, for me headaches and being completely dysfunctional the next day were more difficult to bear than the pain of starting a conversation. I cut way back on my consumption and consider myself fortunate to have learned this lesson early in life.
Beyond the impact on personal well being and the ability to function effectively, addictions are very costly in the workplace, and at home.
Read more about the Impact of Addictions at Home.
What are the impacts of Addictions at Work?
The cost of addictions in the workplace is high. Substance abuse and dependence can be the cause of absenteeism, accidents, injury, death, poor work quality and costly mistakes, reduced morale, productivity loss, staff turnover, co-worker disputes, property damage and theft. “An employee with substance abuse problems can cost between 25 - 50% of their salary through low productivity, sickness and accidents.” It is estimated approximately 6% of workers suffer from additions to drug and alcohol.
Most statistics on addiction are based on alcohol or drug abuse. These statistics do not take into account the significant health problems that come from eating disorders and food addictions. It is estimated that stress and depression costs the Canadian economy more than $50 billion a year and are responsible for a significant amount of absenteeism at work.
A study in 2010 by the Center for Addictions and Health states the following:
“The average short-term physical disability leave is about 33 days, and on average employers pay $9,000 for each case. The study found the most common reasons employees take physical disability leave include respiratory illness, muscular skeletal problems, injury and digestive disorders.
Meanwhile, depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder are the mental illnesses that appear most in the Canadian workforce, with each case leading to an average 65-day leave and $18,000 bill.” As reported in the study by the Centre for Addictions and Mental Health.
It is often stress at work and at home that leads people to addictive behaviours in the first place. Our substance of choice is used to numb out emotions provoked by the stressful situations of life. Two major factors; unresolved emotional conditioning carried from childhood and reactions to the stressful situations play off each other in a dynamic process to provoke emotional reactions.
With a backlog of unresolved emotional baggage from childhood, employees are not able to withstand pressures in the work place, such as:
shift work and long work hours
poor job design, including boring or extremely demanding work
unrealistic deadlines and performance targets, or inadequate resources
lack of opportunity to participate in decision making
inadequate training and supervisory support
bullying, harassment or victimisation at work
fear of job loss and uncertainty about the future
family and social problems.
Part of the solution is to support employees in letting go of their “emotional baggage”. When we do this we are addressing the cause of the problem, rather than the symptom which is addiction.
If you would like to drop your emotional baggage and free yourself from existing or potential addiction, consider our Emotional Hot Button Removal Training. We have several options to choose from.
Lynne Brisdon
http://www.livinginvision.com/
http://www.workeasy4lifebalance.com/
• Have you been concerned about a spouse drinking too much?
• Has your child become hooked on drugs?
• Are there people in your work team who are absent, depressed or have accidents far too often?
• Are you someone who eats and treats yourself every time your mood changes?
Addictions show up in all kinds of different ways and have significant impacts in our work and our families.
Why do people have Addictive Behaviours?
Many develop addictions or addictive behaviours to avoid feeling pain. “At some base level all addicts experience great discomfort with being in their own skin” was a remark I heard years ago in an interview with an addictions psychologist. Another source talked about addictive substances being used as a tool to manage feelings the user felt powerless to handle on their own.
At the outset a behaviour may not be addictive but rather something you do to just relieve “the pressure.” It may escalate into a habit and before long the behaviour has become an addiction. These addictive behaviours range from somewhat healthy behaviours to very unhealthy and costly behaviours. Addictive behaviours include:
• Using alcohol, nicotine, marijuana or other drugs
• Eating disorders, caffeine, chocolate
• Internet, working too much,
• Gambling, shopping, Television
• Excessive sports - triathlons, marathons, golf or billiards
• Hobbies taken to the extreme
How do you distinguish between an addiction, a habit or a practice?
A practice is something you do because you love, or commit to because of the benefits it brings you. It is something you practice to become better at.
Habits can be good or bad. It becomes a problem when there is negative affect on your health and well-being.
With addiction there is a compulsive ‘need’ to do it. Nervous energy builds up and you can’t seem to stop doing it. There may be feelings of fear at the prospect of not doing it anymore.
If the latter is the case, you may want to seek help.
An idle habit like having a glass of wine at dinner can turn into an addiction when it becomes an every day need and then turns into drinking an entire bottle of wine. Habits become compulsive behaviour when used to subconsciously suppress emotional pain. Consciously we may not even know that we are suppressing something.
As a young adult I drank because all my friends did and it was a symbol of acceptance – or so I thought. It didn't bother me at first but I began to suffer from terrible hangovers. In my attempts to stop, I examined my reasons for drinking a little more closely. Being a bit shy and self conscious, a few drinks would loosen me up. I could converse much more easily, and had more fun. However, for me headaches and being completely dysfunctional the next day were more difficult to bear than the pain of starting a conversation. I cut way back on my consumption and consider myself fortunate to have learned this lesson early in life.
Beyond the impact on personal well being and the ability to function effectively, addictions are very costly in the workplace, and at home.
Read more about the Impact of Addictions at Home.
What are the impacts of Addictions at Work?
The cost of addictions in the workplace is high. Substance abuse and dependence can be the cause of absenteeism, accidents, injury, death, poor work quality and costly mistakes, reduced morale, productivity loss, staff turnover, co-worker disputes, property damage and theft. “An employee with substance abuse problems can cost between 25 - 50% of their salary through low productivity, sickness and accidents.” It is estimated approximately 6% of workers suffer from additions to drug and alcohol.
Most statistics on addiction are based on alcohol or drug abuse. These statistics do not take into account the significant health problems that come from eating disorders and food addictions. It is estimated that stress and depression costs the Canadian economy more than $50 billion a year and are responsible for a significant amount of absenteeism at work.
A study in 2010 by the Center for Addictions and Health states the following:
“The average short-term physical disability leave is about 33 days, and on average employers pay $9,000 for each case. The study found the most common reasons employees take physical disability leave include respiratory illness, muscular skeletal problems, injury and digestive disorders.
Meanwhile, depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder are the mental illnesses that appear most in the Canadian workforce, with each case leading to an average 65-day leave and $18,000 bill.” As reported in the study by the Centre for Addictions and Mental Health.
It is often stress at work and at home that leads people to addictive behaviours in the first place. Our substance of choice is used to numb out emotions provoked by the stressful situations of life. Two major factors; unresolved emotional conditioning carried from childhood and reactions to the stressful situations play off each other in a dynamic process to provoke emotional reactions.
With a backlog of unresolved emotional baggage from childhood, employees are not able to withstand pressures in the work place, such as:
shift work and long work hours
poor job design, including boring or extremely demanding work
unrealistic deadlines and performance targets, or inadequate resources
lack of opportunity to participate in decision making
inadequate training and supervisory support
bullying, harassment or victimisation at work
fear of job loss and uncertainty about the future
family and social problems.
Part of the solution is to support employees in letting go of their “emotional baggage”. When we do this we are addressing the cause of the problem, rather than the symptom which is addiction.
If you would like to drop your emotional baggage and free yourself from existing or potential addiction, consider our Emotional Hot Button Removal Training. We have several options to choose from.
Lynne Brisdon
http://www.livinginvision.com/
http://www.workeasy4lifebalance.com/
Friday, July 1, 2011
Has Emotional Conditioning Affected Your Health?
Most of us know someone who has a negative outlook on life and is often sick. They might be fretful, worrisome, perpetually angry or judgemental, and they are also prone to illness: complaining of aches and pains or have some sort of chronic disorder. This is not to say everyone with health problems is negative, but to explore the connection between emotional conditioning and health.
In his discussion about the ‘Pain Body” acclaimed author Ekhart Tolle talks about how negative emotions such as “fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy – all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on.”
All of us have a pain-body, the question is, what impact does this have on your health and wellness? Are you feeling great most of the time, or are you feeling a loss of energy, catching every cold that comes along or dealing with a chronic condition?
Natural medicine practitioner Dr. Nance MacLeod confirms Tolle’s assertion that negative emotions cause us to become sick both physically and emotionally. Stress, depression, high blood pressure and frequent colds are common symptoms of the energy stored in our minds and bodies.
Comments like MacLeod’s about how the mind affects behaviour and how thinking affects emotions are rooted in the practice of psychology. This approach asserts that the only way to deal with our emotions is to peel back the onion; eliminating layers of psychological bulk. This often involves some form of talk therapy to dig down and uncover the memories that have been stored away in our brains.
A New Solution
What do we do about the emotional energy that is stored in the cells of our body? Tolle and many other authors offer little insight into decreasing the density of the pain body other than to feel it. They provide no guidance on how exactly to feel this emotional energy. Tom Stone, who has made it his life mission to resolve the problems stemming from our human conditioning, has changed this.
In “The Power of How” Stone describes in detail the simple, elegant techniques he has developed to resolve the pain-body. It turns out there are specific ways to feel into this pain to bring it to resolution quickly. What was once difficult took several months, even years, is now relatively easy and fast.
Not only can we resolve our emotional conditioning within our mind we can now resolve it in our body too. People who have tried all sorts of personal development and psychological work for over 30 years attempting to drop off their emotional baggage have found they were able to gain much more significant traction when they started using the Emotional Hot Button Removal techniques.
You may not be aware of how your emotional conditioning is affecting your health. The first step is to acknowledge and feel the emotional pain you are carrying. In the words of one client who was acknowledging her readiness to work on her pain body. “OK...the river of denial has run into the turbines of a dam...” (Sounds messy!)
For many the capacity to feel has been shut down for some time. My colleague Jacque describes how she had completely shut down her ability to feel emotional energy in her body prior to using the techniques we now teach. “I did not learn how to open up my body to such feelings until two years ago.”
You may want to consider how your emotional concerns might be affecting your health? What kind of impact is your ‘pain-body’ having and how disruptive is it to living your ideal magical life?
Wishing you radiant wellness,
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/
http://www.workeasy4lifebalance.com/
Next month we will talk about the connection between addiction and emotional conditioning.
Register for the next Emotional Hot Button Removal training
Workshop - Oct 1 in Vancouver, BC
Tele-seminar Series - starts July 4 at 6:30 p.m
In his discussion about the ‘Pain Body” acclaimed author Ekhart Tolle talks about how negative emotions such as “fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy – all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on.”
All of us have a pain-body, the question is, what impact does this have on your health and wellness? Are you feeling great most of the time, or are you feeling a loss of energy, catching every cold that comes along or dealing with a chronic condition?
Natural medicine practitioner Dr. Nance MacLeod confirms Tolle’s assertion that negative emotions cause us to become sick both physically and emotionally. Stress, depression, high blood pressure and frequent colds are common symptoms of the energy stored in our minds and bodies.
Comments like MacLeod’s about how the mind affects behaviour and how thinking affects emotions are rooted in the practice of psychology. This approach asserts that the only way to deal with our emotions is to peel back the onion; eliminating layers of psychological bulk. This often involves some form of talk therapy to dig down and uncover the memories that have been stored away in our brains.
A New Solution
What do we do about the emotional energy that is stored in the cells of our body? Tolle and many other authors offer little insight into decreasing the density of the pain body other than to feel it. They provide no guidance on how exactly to feel this emotional energy. Tom Stone, who has made it his life mission to resolve the problems stemming from our human conditioning, has changed this.
In “The Power of How” Stone describes in detail the simple, elegant techniques he has developed to resolve the pain-body. It turns out there are specific ways to feel into this pain to bring it to resolution quickly. What was once difficult took several months, even years, is now relatively easy and fast.
Not only can we resolve our emotional conditioning within our mind we can now resolve it in our body too. People who have tried all sorts of personal development and psychological work for over 30 years attempting to drop off their emotional baggage have found they were able to gain much more significant traction when they started using the Emotional Hot Button Removal techniques.
You may not be aware of how your emotional conditioning is affecting your health. The first step is to acknowledge and feel the emotional pain you are carrying. In the words of one client who was acknowledging her readiness to work on her pain body. “OK...the river of denial has run into the turbines of a dam...” (Sounds messy!)
For many the capacity to feel has been shut down for some time. My colleague Jacque describes how she had completely shut down her ability to feel emotional energy in her body prior to using the techniques we now teach. “I did not learn how to open up my body to such feelings until two years ago.”
You may want to consider how your emotional concerns might be affecting your health? What kind of impact is your ‘pain-body’ having and how disruptive is it to living your ideal magical life?
Wishing you radiant wellness,
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/
http://www.workeasy4lifebalance.com/
Next month we will talk about the connection between addiction and emotional conditioning.
Register for the next Emotional Hot Button Removal training
Workshop - Oct 1 in Vancouver, BC
Tele-seminar Series - starts July 4 at 6:30 p.m
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