In relationship, it’s worthwhile to attend to what happens in the space between us. Suppose for a moment, you and your partner are sitting together and between you there is a huge soup cauldron. Into this invisible cauldron you pour the energy from your thoughts and emotions. What kind of soup would you have?
Whether it is delicious or bitter depends upon the kind of energy you pour into the pot. My colleague Jacque was brewing up a bitter soup a few weeks ago and had the opportunity to reflect on what was happening while listening to the TED Talk by Hedy Schleifer,“The Power of Connection”. Hedy describes how in any relationship, and especially with our partners we constantly transmit energy into the energetic space that exists between us.
Let us also consider the law of attraction which states that we attract to us the same energy that we send out. If we pour negative energy into the soup cauldron then we are likely to attract more negative energy. This is the way we create our own reality, consciously or unconsciously.
This bitter soup had been simmering for several months, and it eventually erupted into conflict. The base ingredients were Jacque's reactions to behaviors of her current and former partners.
Jacque's current partner Conrad is very outgoing and charismatic and he likes to stay up late.Her former husband betrayed her trust at the end of their relationship. Mix in her ingrained belief that anyone who stays up late must be up to no good with unresolved conditioning around being betrayed and she started generating an energy of mistrust.
Pouring this negative energy of mistrust and the corrosive energy of jealousy into the energetic soup between them resulted in what she feared most: losing her relationship and being alone. One day an “event” occurred, about which Jacque knew a few facts and her mind filled in the rest of the gaps with a negative story born from fear. The soup pot boiled over, scalding both of them.
When negative energy is poured into our relationship cauldron, our partners usually have a negative reaction. Their negative reaction adds more unpalatable energy to the soup and the charged energy between us starts to escalate. In Jacque's case, Conrad sensed her mistrust, which fuelled his behaviors propelling them on a collision course with misunderstanding and conflict. For many men, knowing their partner trusts them, means everything.
Only after this conflict boiled over, and she sat down to resolve her emotional conditioning did it's roots become evident. Jacque realized she was still carrying the pain of betrayal from her past relationship. She also became aware of a deeply held belief which associated being up late with being “up to no good.” She chose to see this event as a learning experience and recognized how she created her own reality.
Quite simply, the perfect circumstances occurred to make plausible a negative story her mind had been writing for several months. When the circumstances occurred she wrote a whole movie and had even more negative reactions based on the script. The soup pot contained a poisonous brew which almost dissolved their relationship.
After they talked about it, and reviewed the roles they played Conrad quite simply requested that she “trust her man.” Jacque has chosen to do so. She requested that he change his late night habits and he has agreed. They decided to empty the soup pot and start over.
What happens between two people in relationship goes far beyond our words. In fact, words are likely the expression of the emotional energy that is flowing into your invisible soup cauldron. To have happy, vibrant and deep loving relationships with our partners, we need to focus on self-responsibility in a very deep way. We need to be very conscious of the energy we are adding to our relationship pot.
What kind of soup are you cooking up, delicious and nutritious or bitter and corrosive?
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/
