Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Why bother with Personal Development?

It seems there are two predominant views on the area of Personal Development. One is from the initiated, who are committed to improving themselves and the other is from those who view it as fluff with no real relevance. The latter views the initiate as being on some quest for self improvement which is never fulfilled; they seem to be driven by some sense of being flawed. While those who see it as fluff are seen by initiates to be unaware and stuck in their thinking.


So what are the real benefits of doing personal development work? The initiates will tell you they are much happier and more content with their lives. How do they get there?

Why Self Improvement gets a bad rap
Completing your education or getting credentials for career advancement is always a good investment. And, certainly there is wisdom and humility in recognizing we don't know it all and can always learn something new. But where Self Improvement gets judged is when there is a constant quest for needing to fix oneself that is never quite satisfied. This usually comes from having an internal message of not being good enough and being broken in some way. This is the case for the person who gets stuck in the self improvement cycle. What they really need is to uncover their underlying beliefs and take a whole new approach to personal development.

What is Personal Development?
It can be broken down into three simple aspects:

1. Being self-aware

2. Taking 100% responsibility for everything that is occurring in your life

3. Being resourceful and responding appropriately to a given situation.

Being self-aware is the ability to be aware of your thinking, feelings and actions. Being aware of thinking is noticing that you are thinking and what your internal conversations are. These one-sided conversations are going on constantly. Feelings are physical sensations which occur in your body and they contain information, about what is working or not working for you. It’s a challenge for most people to be totally aware of these feelings. We've done an excellent job of suppressing the gentle and persistent messages telling us all is not well. Regardless, our actions are in response to our thinking and feelings. If you are not feeling calm and well grounded, nor thinking clearly your reactions could likely impact others negatively.

Taking 100% responsibility for everything in your life, requires self-awareness. Taking responsibility means you are no longer a victim who blames others for what is occurring. Standing in your own power, you fully accept your choice for what occurs in life. Currently, I am only carrying a partial client coaching load. I could blame the down turn in the economy or how my part-time Business Coaching job keeps me from seeking and retaining new clients. In taking 100% responsibility, I recognize the truth is I have also chosen to complete a business counsellor certification, contribute to my business and coaching community and attend to family matters.

Being resourceful is being able to respond to situations rather than reacting to them. From a centered and calm place you are able to respond appropriately to the given situation. Given my reduced income, I could be reacting and worrying about finances and undertake a flurry of activity to rebuild clientele. Instead I choose to keep my focus on being fully present with the people I meet and connect with them in a meaningful way. I can trust myself to show up authentically and attract people who are seeking my services, rather than mold myself into something I think they are looking for. With this focus it is easier for me to hear what is going on for people and genuinely offer new possibilities or solutions.



Fixing versus Growing
You could look at Self Improvement as fixing what you don’t like about yourself. This perspective assumes that there is something in you that is broken. It is a perspective that comes from a place of being critical and judgemental. The primary judgement is: the way you are is not good enough. Often the question is not about being good enough, but with feeling unhappy or generally dissatisfied. If you ask yourself, “Am I feeling the way I want to feel?” and the answer is NO, then you may want to engage in self-discovery through personal development.

A more useful perspective is to come from a place of inspired growth instead of needing fixing. This involves setting an intention for how you would like to be as life unfolds and how you would like to feel.

My intention is to live enthusiastically, joyfully experiencing vitality, ease, wonder and meaningful connection with others. Spiritually present.

Life is an adventure and I undertake growth in a way that’s feels fun and do it with a sense of vibrancy. There is nothing wrong with me. However, by continuing to grow I have an opportunity to thrive and live the life I fully desire.

What is your intention for the life you desire?

Wishing you an inspired life! 

Lynne Brisdon, PCC, and Jacque Small, CEC
(collaborative authors of this monthly newsletter)

"And the day came when the risk of remaining tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. "Anais Nin

Have Emotional Hot Buttons Stopped You from Taking Vacation?

This article appeared in the August Living In Vision Newsletter. I'm actually taking my vacation in October though - timing it to visit a planetary power spot on 10-10-10.

***

In August almost everything shuts down for most of us to take a vacation. How many of you are feeling guilty and anxious about taking time away from your work or business?

In his book “The Diamond Cutter” Geshe Michael Roche, states we should keep our minds and bodies in good health to enjoy the money we make. Subtitled, ‘The Bhudda on Managing Your Business and Your Life’ Roche advocates taking silent time each day to clear the mind of mental afflictions and to step away from the work cycle each year for self reflection and rejuvenation.

When I had a full-time job, much as I looked forward to the ‘escape’ each vacation offered, I worried beforehand knowing there would be a pile of work to come back to and worked doubly hard before I left to minimize this. Now that I’m self employed I worry about missed opportunities, as well as work piling up in my absence.

What happens if we avoid taking a vacation due to the nagging voices of doubt and concern? What happens if we pretend we are taking a vacation and take our laptop or Blackberry (I-phone) along?

“Skipping vacations could actually be dangerous to your health," according to Brooks Gump, Ph.D., co-author of a State University of New York at Oswego study.

The study found that men who take vacations every year reduce their overall risk of death by about 20 percent, and their risk of death from heart disease by as much as 30 percent. A similar study discovered that women who vacation at least twice a year have 50% less chance of developing coronary heart disease or any other serious heart problems. Those who took no vacations had the highest death rate overall.

"Vacations have a protective effect because they help you reduce your load of stress, or at least allow you to take a break from the everyday stressors of the workplace,"*

Even with evidence to support taking vacations many tend to avoid them or work while on vacation. The rationalization being that if they keep working they won’t be so overwhelmed later or miss business opportunities. Hoping to rejuvenate by taking a few days here and there, doesn’t do the trick. Those who attempt this actually end up catching up on errands; they are not taking the necessary 5 – 7 days to unwind. Two full weeks is recommended for optimal health benefits.

If you have been avoiding making plans for this year’s vacation we invite you to look beyond the mental chatter that says, ‘I don’t have time, don’t have enough money, it will be too expensive, I’ll be passed over for promotions, my business will collapse, there is no one to cover for me; generally – something bad will happen if I go away’. These thoughts are a product of your emotional hot buttons and they are getting in the way of your health and well being.

And if that’s not enough to change your mind consider this. A recent study showed that for every dollar of vacation benefits provided to employees, companies receive a $3 return on the benefit investment in the form of improved employee productivity and morale.*

So go ahead and plan a guilt free vacation you deserve it. Leave your electronic devices at home or turn them off except for emergency situations like booking tickets to a fun event in some far away place. If the idea of this causes a knot in your stomach, a pain in your chest or hands begin to sweat, give me a call to remove your hot buttons so you can take some time away to pause, rejuvenate, reflect, and dream up whatever is next for you. That is assuming you call when I am at work, because I can't hear my phone when I am riding my motorcycle.

*Workopolis


"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
Maria Robinson