Sunday, February 12, 2012

7 Ways to a Rekindle Romance

With Valentine’s Day love is in the air. Many are celebrating their romance, but some may be looking for ways to re-ignite the flame. If you are in a committed relationship and wish it was better here are some thoughts for keeping the spark alive.


Do pleasurable activities together
Brain science tells us the neurotransmitters released when we first fall in love are also present when we engage in pleasurable activities. Novel experiences have the same effect. So doing something new and exciting together could be an option to a romantic dinner.

Retell your love story
Remember the details of how you met and fell in love. Touch back in to what sparked between you, the dreams you had and the unique events surrounding your meeting. Sharing these experiences with one another can be a wonderful way to bring those feelings into the present.

Take a Long A Term Approach
There are many elements to having a successful union and smoothing the journey of relationship. Too often we focus on what is not working in our relationships and blame our partner for not being the way we want them to be. Having a successful long term relationship requires that we are willing to take personal responsibility for keeping love alive over the long term.

Clear Communication
Having clear and open communication is key to navigating the sometimes turbulent waters of marriage. It requires that we speak our truth to our partner and be willing to hear their truth without resistance and judgement. Appreciating that it takes courage to speak the truth it’s important to make it safe for our partners to speak about what is in their hearts. It helps to come from a place of being fully open to hearing their message. It’s not necessary to agree with their perspective, but we need to be fully present and centered in order to receive the essence of their communication.

It’s about Timing
For effective communication to take place it is important to make time for it. It is way to too easy to get caught up in day to day life and use it as an excuse not to communicate.

Also, attempting to communicate when you or your partner is emotionally charged is counter-productive. Be discerning and wait until emotions subside so you have a better chance of entering into a productive conversation.

Constantly Choosing
We always have choices to make about how to behave in relationship. If you notice that you are falling into habitual patterns when relating to your mate it’s up to you to choose otherwise. When conflict arises it’s usually around issues that are perpetual and not likely to change. How we choose to relate and behave in these situations can make a big difference in how conflict is resolved.

For example have you noticed how easy it is to treat your partner poorly when you get angry? Is this who you really want to be? When your partner is angry with you, do you immediately respond in kind with anger?

Instead if you remain calm and discern whether it’s appropriate to speak your truth you can navigate the waters of your relationship more gracefully. Being understanding of your partner and not provoking them further may serve the relationship better than your being right.

At other times delivering a direct clear message may be the most appropriate course of action. In relationship our partner is our mirror and their direct messages are a source of feedback from which we can learn and grow. Often it is the messages we least like to hear that hold the most value for our growth. What is your partner telling you that you don’t want to hear?

Joint Vision
Have you and your partner talked about what you would like to achieve in your relationship? What are some of your common goals? How would you like to treat each other? How do you want to relate when things are going well and when they aren’t?

Jointly setting a course for your relationship will help to establish mutual objectives. When one of you veers off course it may be time to course correct, or have a conversation with your partner to alter your course.

By focusing on these steps to re-kindle and keep your love alive your relationship is bound to flourish.

Here’s to smoother sailing in your relationship.

In Love,

Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/