It seems there are two predominant views on the area of Personal Development. One is from the initiated, who are committed to improving themselves and the other is from those who view it as fluff with no real relevance. The latter views the initiate as being on some quest for self improvement which is never fulfilled; they seem to be driven by some sense of being flawed. While those who see it as fluff are seen by initiates to be unaware and stuck in their thinking.
So what are the real benefits of doing personal development work? The initiates will tell you they are much happier and more content with their lives. How do they get there?
Why Self Improvement gets a bad rap
Completing your education or getting credentials for career advancement is always a good investment. And, certainly there is wisdom and humility in recognizing we don't know it all and can always learn something new. But where Self Improvement gets judged is when there is a constant quest for needing to fix oneself that is never quite satisfied. This usually comes from having an internal message of not being good enough and being broken in some way. This is the case for the person who gets stuck in the self improvement cycle. What they really need is to uncover their underlying beliefs and take a whole new approach to personal development.
What is Personal Development?
It can be broken down into three simple aspects:
1. Being self-aware
2. Taking 100% responsibility for everything that is occurring in your life
3. Being resourceful and responding appropriately to a given situation.
Being self-aware is the ability to be aware of your thinking, feelings and actions. Being aware of thinking is noticing that you are thinking and what your internal conversations are. These one-sided conversations are going on constantly. Feelings are physical sensations which occur in your body and they contain information, about what is working or not working for you. It’s a challenge for most people to be totally aware of these feelings. We've done an excellent job of suppressing the gentle and persistent messages telling us all is not well. Regardless, our actions are in response to our thinking and feelings. If you are not feeling calm and well grounded, nor thinking clearly your reactions could likely impact others negatively.
Taking 100% responsibility for everything in your life, requires self-awareness. Taking responsibility means you are no longer a victim who blames others for what is occurring. Standing in your own power, you fully accept your choice for what occurs in life. Currently, I am only carrying a partial client coaching load. I could blame the down turn in the economy or how my part-time Business Coaching job keeps me from seeking and retaining new clients. In taking 100% responsibility, I recognize the truth is I have also chosen to complete a business counsellor certification, contribute to my business and coaching community and attend to family matters.
Being resourceful is being able to respond to situations rather than reacting to them. From a centered and calm place you are able to respond appropriately to the given situation. Given my reduced income, I could be reacting and worrying about finances and undertake a flurry of activity to rebuild clientele. Instead I choose to keep my focus on being fully present with the people I meet and connect with them in a meaningful way. I can trust myself to show up authentically and attract people who are seeking my services, rather than mold myself into something I think they are looking for. With this focus it is easier for me to hear what is going on for people and genuinely offer new possibilities or solutions.
Fixing versus Growing
You could look at Self Improvement as fixing what you don’t like about yourself. This perspective assumes that there is something in you that is broken. It is a perspective that comes from a place of being critical and judgemental. The primary judgement is: the way you are is not good enough. Often the question is not about being good enough, but with feeling unhappy or generally dissatisfied. If you ask yourself, “Am I feeling the way I want to feel?” and the answer is NO, then you may want to engage in self-discovery through personal development.
A more useful perspective is to come from a place of inspired growth instead of needing fixing. This involves setting an intention for how you would like to be as life unfolds and how you would like to feel.
My intention is to live enthusiastically, joyfully experiencing vitality, ease, wonder and meaningful connection with others. Spiritually present.
Life is an adventure and I undertake growth in a way that’s feels fun and do it with a sense of vibrancy. There is nothing wrong with me. However, by continuing to grow I have an opportunity to thrive and live the life I fully desire.
What is your intention for the life you desire?
Wishing you an inspired life!
Lynne Brisdon, PCC, and Jacque Small, CEC
(collaborative authors of this monthly newsletter)
"And the day came when the risk of remaining tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. "Anais Nin
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Have Emotional Hot Buttons Stopped You from Taking Vacation?
This article appeared in the August Living In Vision Newsletter. I'm actually taking my vacation in October though - timing it to visit a planetary power spot on 10-10-10.
***
In August almost everything shuts down for most of us to take a vacation. How many of you are feeling guilty and anxious about taking time away from your work or business?
In his book “The Diamond Cutter” Geshe Michael Roche, states we should keep our minds and bodies in good health to enjoy the money we make. Subtitled, ‘The Bhudda on Managing Your Business and Your Life’ Roche advocates taking silent time each day to clear the mind of mental afflictions and to step away from the work cycle each year for self reflection and rejuvenation.
When I had a full-time job, much as I looked forward to the ‘escape’ each vacation offered, I worried beforehand knowing there would be a pile of work to come back to and worked doubly hard before I left to minimize this. Now that I’m self employed I worry about missed opportunities, as well as work piling up in my absence.
What happens if we avoid taking a vacation due to the nagging voices of doubt and concern? What happens if we pretend we are taking a vacation and take our laptop or Blackberry (I-phone) along?
“Skipping vacations could actually be dangerous to your health," according to Brooks Gump, Ph.D., co-author of a State University of New York at Oswego study.
The study found that men who take vacations every year reduce their overall risk of death by about 20 percent, and their risk of death from heart disease by as much as 30 percent. A similar study discovered that women who vacation at least twice a year have 50% less chance of developing coronary heart disease or any other serious heart problems. Those who took no vacations had the highest death rate overall.
"Vacations have a protective effect because they help you reduce your load of stress, or at least allow you to take a break from the everyday stressors of the workplace,"*
Even with evidence to support taking vacations many tend to avoid them or work while on vacation. The rationalization being that if they keep working they won’t be so overwhelmed later or miss business opportunities. Hoping to rejuvenate by taking a few days here and there, doesn’t do the trick. Those who attempt this actually end up catching up on errands; they are not taking the necessary 5 – 7 days to unwind. Two full weeks is recommended for optimal health benefits.
If you have been avoiding making plans for this year’s vacation we invite you to look beyond the mental chatter that says, ‘I don’t have time, don’t have enough money, it will be too expensive, I’ll be passed over for promotions, my business will collapse, there is no one to cover for me; generally – something bad will happen if I go away’. These thoughts are a product of your emotional hot buttons and they are getting in the way of your health and well being.
And if that’s not enough to change your mind consider this. A recent study showed that for every dollar of vacation benefits provided to employees, companies receive a $3 return on the benefit investment in the form of improved employee productivity and morale.*
So go ahead and plan a guilt free vacation you deserve it. Leave your electronic devices at home or turn them off except for emergency situations like booking tickets to a fun event in some far away place. If the idea of this causes a knot in your stomach, a pain in your chest or hands begin to sweat, give me a call to remove your hot buttons so you can take some time away to pause, rejuvenate, reflect, and dream up whatever is next for you. That is assuming you call when I am at work, because I can't hear my phone when I am riding my motorcycle.
*Workopolis
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
Maria Robinson
***
In August almost everything shuts down for most of us to take a vacation. How many of you are feeling guilty and anxious about taking time away from your work or business?
In his book “The Diamond Cutter” Geshe Michael Roche, states we should keep our minds and bodies in good health to enjoy the money we make. Subtitled, ‘The Bhudda on Managing Your Business and Your Life’ Roche advocates taking silent time each day to clear the mind of mental afflictions and to step away from the work cycle each year for self reflection and rejuvenation.
When I had a full-time job, much as I looked forward to the ‘escape’ each vacation offered, I worried beforehand knowing there would be a pile of work to come back to and worked doubly hard before I left to minimize this. Now that I’m self employed I worry about missed opportunities, as well as work piling up in my absence.
What happens if we avoid taking a vacation due to the nagging voices of doubt and concern? What happens if we pretend we are taking a vacation and take our laptop or Blackberry (I-phone) along?
“Skipping vacations could actually be dangerous to your health," according to Brooks Gump, Ph.D., co-author of a State University of New York at Oswego study.
The study found that men who take vacations every year reduce their overall risk of death by about 20 percent, and their risk of death from heart disease by as much as 30 percent. A similar study discovered that women who vacation at least twice a year have 50% less chance of developing coronary heart disease or any other serious heart problems. Those who took no vacations had the highest death rate overall.
"Vacations have a protective effect because they help you reduce your load of stress, or at least allow you to take a break from the everyday stressors of the workplace,"*
Even with evidence to support taking vacations many tend to avoid them or work while on vacation. The rationalization being that if they keep working they won’t be so overwhelmed later or miss business opportunities. Hoping to rejuvenate by taking a few days here and there, doesn’t do the trick. Those who attempt this actually end up catching up on errands; they are not taking the necessary 5 – 7 days to unwind. Two full weeks is recommended for optimal health benefits.
If you have been avoiding making plans for this year’s vacation we invite you to look beyond the mental chatter that says, ‘I don’t have time, don’t have enough money, it will be too expensive, I’ll be passed over for promotions, my business will collapse, there is no one to cover for me; generally – something bad will happen if I go away’. These thoughts are a product of your emotional hot buttons and they are getting in the way of your health and well being.
And if that’s not enough to change your mind consider this. A recent study showed that for every dollar of vacation benefits provided to employees, companies receive a $3 return on the benefit investment in the form of improved employee productivity and morale.*
So go ahead and plan a guilt free vacation you deserve it. Leave your electronic devices at home or turn them off except for emergency situations like booking tickets to a fun event in some far away place. If the idea of this causes a knot in your stomach, a pain in your chest or hands begin to sweat, give me a call to remove your hot buttons so you can take some time away to pause, rejuvenate, reflect, and dream up whatever is next for you. That is assuming you call when I am at work, because I can't hear my phone when I am riding my motorcycle.
*Workopolis
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
Maria Robinson
Friday, July 30, 2010
Emotional Hot Buttons and Business Finances
An area that perpetually pushes buttons in business is finances. Whether you are a micro-enterprise owner or hold a position in a large company, the decisions you have to make about finance can cause huge emotional reactions. Money is a hot topic for most of us and our conditioning around it impacts how we view it and the results we get.
Working as much as I do with small business business owners, I see many struggle with business finances. We joke about the emotional roller coaster of starting a business and we know it’s based on what many experience.
In the process of writing a business plan, most people are overwhelmed by financial forecasting. When asked to fill in spreadsheets they go completely blank from the fear of having to focus on money. Many people believe they ‘can’t do numbers’ and experience intense anxiety in the budgeting process. Fortunately I can help them resolve their conditioning and anxiety, and they are able to complete their financial forecast.
Once the business is operating peoples’ spending habits come into play. Many are loathe to spend money to properly promote their business. These are people who have been conditioned to be very cautious with money and are afraid there will not be enough money to survive. Even when they are consistently shown it requires a financial investment to properly launch and promote their business, they become overwhelmed and fearful and attempt to ‘bootstrap’ as much as possible. Business opportunities are typically lost because not enough of their target market knows they exist.
There may be considerable worry and second guessing around making financial decisions. The question “Am I doing the right thing?” constantly presents itself. Doubt and internal conflict take up a lot of energy and result in a lack of clarity. We end up vacillating, experiencing stress and business progress often slows.
Another occurance with start-up companies is establishing sales volumes for a new product or service. I vividly remember a client having a very difficult time talking confidently about his business when he was networking because he didn’t have a contract at the time. He was attaching his confidence and measuring the quality of his work on whether or not someone was paying him for his service. This was a very talented man who had been employed as a writer for years and had a very strong portfolio. His own judgment stemming from the current lack of revenue was completely obliterating ownership of his highly marketable talent. Once his emotional hot button, called judgment, was removed his business started to flourish as he had more confidence in himself.
Business growth can create a lot of emotional turmoil as well. How many of you find yourselves highly overworked? Business owners are pulled in many directions tending to the myriad of roles required to maintain momentum in their operations. The company is ready for growth but the owner is very reluctant to hire others to help out. They worry about the expense of hiring staff and often are afraid to let go of control. So they stay stuck not being able to work any harder, or longer and their revenues don’t grow. When we remove the emotional hot buttons that contribute to doubt, worry and anxiety, owners are able to move forward with confidence and make the right decisions to support the growth of the company.
Business growth may also require outside financing. This can really push buttons for people. What if projected revenues don’t materialize? What if they can’t repay their loans? What will happen if….? All this doubt and insecurity are a waste of energy and keep us stuck, going no where.
Often when business owners feel stuck they consider seeking advice from business experts who they hope will be able to steer them in the right direction. Experts provide a detached perspective; they are not emotionally hooked into how you are making decisions about money, or how you are equating you business success with your self worth. What would be possible if you could resolve some of your emotional hot buttons that are creating worry, anxiety and doubt?
Wishing you more ease and grace with business finance decisions and roller coaster rides at the amusement park.
Sharing Lif'e's Adventures
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/
Working as much as I do with small business business owners, I see many struggle with business finances. We joke about the emotional roller coaster of starting a business and we know it’s based on what many experience.
In the process of writing a business plan, most people are overwhelmed by financial forecasting. When asked to fill in spreadsheets they go completely blank from the fear of having to focus on money. Many people believe they ‘can’t do numbers’ and experience intense anxiety in the budgeting process. Fortunately I can help them resolve their conditioning and anxiety, and they are able to complete their financial forecast.
Once the business is operating peoples’ spending habits come into play. Many are loathe to spend money to properly promote their business. These are people who have been conditioned to be very cautious with money and are afraid there will not be enough money to survive. Even when they are consistently shown it requires a financial investment to properly launch and promote their business, they become overwhelmed and fearful and attempt to ‘bootstrap’ as much as possible. Business opportunities are typically lost because not enough of their target market knows they exist.
There may be considerable worry and second guessing around making financial decisions. The question “Am I doing the right thing?” constantly presents itself. Doubt and internal conflict take up a lot of energy and result in a lack of clarity. We end up vacillating, experiencing stress and business progress often slows.
Another occurance with start-up companies is establishing sales volumes for a new product or service. I vividly remember a client having a very difficult time talking confidently about his business when he was networking because he didn’t have a contract at the time. He was attaching his confidence and measuring the quality of his work on whether or not someone was paying him for his service. This was a very talented man who had been employed as a writer for years and had a very strong portfolio. His own judgment stemming from the current lack of revenue was completely obliterating ownership of his highly marketable talent. Once his emotional hot button, called judgment, was removed his business started to flourish as he had more confidence in himself.
Business growth can create a lot of emotional turmoil as well. How many of you find yourselves highly overworked? Business owners are pulled in many directions tending to the myriad of roles required to maintain momentum in their operations. The company is ready for growth but the owner is very reluctant to hire others to help out. They worry about the expense of hiring staff and often are afraid to let go of control. So they stay stuck not being able to work any harder, or longer and their revenues don’t grow. When we remove the emotional hot buttons that contribute to doubt, worry and anxiety, owners are able to move forward with confidence and make the right decisions to support the growth of the company.
Business growth may also require outside financing. This can really push buttons for people. What if projected revenues don’t materialize? What if they can’t repay their loans? What will happen if….? All this doubt and insecurity are a waste of energy and keep us stuck, going no where.
Often when business owners feel stuck they consider seeking advice from business experts who they hope will be able to steer them in the right direction. Experts provide a detached perspective; they are not emotionally hooked into how you are making decisions about money, or how you are equating you business success with your self worth. What would be possible if you could resolve some of your emotional hot buttons that are creating worry, anxiety and doubt?
Wishing you more ease and grace with business finance decisions and roller coaster rides at the amusement park.
Sharing Lif'e's Adventures
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
http://www.livinginvision.com/
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Improving Sale Effectiveness
• How many of you are great at sales?
• How easy is it for you to call and make appointments with prospective clients?
• Have you ever found it difficult to ask for what you want to be paid?
• What are the stories going through your head that get in the way of being better at sales?
This month Jacque Small and I collaborated with Gavin Mills, from Sales Partners, for this article and he was also our guest on Catalyst LIVE!, June 2.
Struggling With Sales Calls
I have perpetually avoided picking up the phone to call people for anything remotely related to sales. And, many of the entrepreneurs I work with are faced with the same challenges. When it comes to calling people about business this little voice goes off in my head: “What will I say? Why would this person want to do business with me? They have probably already hired someone else. What do I possibly have to offer that is better than what others are doing?
Do any of these questions sound familiar?
Another problem you may be having with sales is with asking for what you are worth? How uncomfortable are you with asking for your full price? Have you given yourself a raise in the last 2 years? We can make up all sorts of stories to justify not asking for more money. The economy is in a down turn and business can’t afford it. My price is already all the market will bear; people won’t pay any more for my service. If I ask for too much money, I won’t get the work. I couldn’t charge that, that is way too much money! Notwithstanding, many clients have used my services and had life changing results that are priceless Undervaluing our service is another place where our minds take us out of the game.
Where the Stories Come From
These questions and negative self-talk form part of the nervous chatter that goes on in our head; what Sales Partners affectionately refer to as our Little Voice. In a situation where fear pops up, our brain goes into a self protection mode and our Ego starts to make up a story. The Ego is extremely good at manufacturing interpretations to remove us from the fearful situation. If the story my Ego makes up is strong enough I won’t pick up the phone nor will I ask for more money.
Sales Partners has perfected the Little Voice Management System and other sales training & mentoring techniques to assist you to manage these situations.
Where does the Little Voice come from? How did it get there? Why can’t we just move it out of the way when we need to? It’s because of our conditioning.
Conditioning comes from all the charged emotional memories we have stored up from the countless events and circumstances in our lives. We don’t remember these events on a daily basis, and don’t think about them much at all, until something pushes our buttons. Then the memory is triggered and causes a reaction. The stronger the emotional charge from the original memory, the stronger the reaction in the current situation.
And what happens to our intelligence when emotions go up? Typically intelligence drops, considerably.
Overcoming the Little Voice
Let’s look at the example above of not picking up the phone to make a sales call. Ask yourself if you have ever been rejected. If you answered No, you’re probably lying! Let’s face it – who hasn’t experienced rejection at some point? So when you go to pick up the phone, and you’ve been rejected in the past, the memory of that rejection suddenly pops into your conscious mind and your Little Voice starts sabotaging your thoughts by telling you that this call you’re about to make is High Risk and chances are you’ll get rejected again….!
So what do you do? Some of you won’t even make the call, some of you will make the call with the Fear of rejection in mind – and guess what happens next – yep you get rejected again, and some of you will make the call and have managed that fear in the process. Those of us in this last group, whether we realise it or not, have conditioned ourselves to be able to face the fear and manage the Little Voice so that we can move forward, make the call and get the success we so richly deserve. The rest of us are conditioned to the point of either not making the call or getting rejected and taking it personally.
So why not learn the tools to be able to manage your Little Voice in every situation so that you can make the best decisions, lower your emotions and raise your intelligence so that ultimately you will get the results you really want and be who you really want to be, without any more effort whatsoever.
Little Voice Management Systems are vital in the moment to overcome what your Little Voice is saying and propel you into action. Make the call and ask for more money.
For those people who find this a persistent problem there is a longer term solution that will quiet the Little Voice permanently or have it be just a quiet whisper. This is achieved by removing the emotional hot button causing the Little Voice to scream, “You are in danger of being rejected.” The great news is that Tom Stone at Great Life Technologies has perfected a technique to allow us to dissolve the emotional hot button and eliminate the emotional reactions.
When we eliminate the emotional reactions we don’t have to do nearly as much Little Voice Management and we can put the rest of the sales techniques Gavin teaches us into more effective use, faster.
Wishing you greater sales success;
Lynne Brisdon, Jacque Small and Gavin Mills
Register for the next Emotional Hot Button Removal Workshop
• How easy is it for you to call and make appointments with prospective clients?
• Have you ever found it difficult to ask for what you want to be paid?
• What are the stories going through your head that get in the way of being better at sales?
This month Jacque Small and I collaborated with Gavin Mills, from Sales Partners, for this article and he was also our guest on Catalyst LIVE!, June 2.
Struggling With Sales Calls
I have perpetually avoided picking up the phone to call people for anything remotely related to sales. And, many of the entrepreneurs I work with are faced with the same challenges. When it comes to calling people about business this little voice goes off in my head: “What will I say? Why would this person want to do business with me? They have probably already hired someone else. What do I possibly have to offer that is better than what others are doing?
Do any of these questions sound familiar?
Another problem you may be having with sales is with asking for what you are worth? How uncomfortable are you with asking for your full price? Have you given yourself a raise in the last 2 years? We can make up all sorts of stories to justify not asking for more money. The economy is in a down turn and business can’t afford it. My price is already all the market will bear; people won’t pay any more for my service. If I ask for too much money, I won’t get the work. I couldn’t charge that, that is way too much money! Notwithstanding, many clients have used my services and had life changing results that are priceless Undervaluing our service is another place where our minds take us out of the game.
Where the Stories Come From
These questions and negative self-talk form part of the nervous chatter that goes on in our head; what Sales Partners affectionately refer to as our Little Voice. In a situation where fear pops up, our brain goes into a self protection mode and our Ego starts to make up a story. The Ego is extremely good at manufacturing interpretations to remove us from the fearful situation. If the story my Ego makes up is strong enough I won’t pick up the phone nor will I ask for more money.
Sales Partners has perfected the Little Voice Management System and other sales training & mentoring techniques to assist you to manage these situations.
Where does the Little Voice come from? How did it get there? Why can’t we just move it out of the way when we need to? It’s because of our conditioning.
Conditioning comes from all the charged emotional memories we have stored up from the countless events and circumstances in our lives. We don’t remember these events on a daily basis, and don’t think about them much at all, until something pushes our buttons. Then the memory is triggered and causes a reaction. The stronger the emotional charge from the original memory, the stronger the reaction in the current situation.
And what happens to our intelligence when emotions go up? Typically intelligence drops, considerably.
Overcoming the Little Voice
Let’s look at the example above of not picking up the phone to make a sales call. Ask yourself if you have ever been rejected. If you answered No, you’re probably lying! Let’s face it – who hasn’t experienced rejection at some point? So when you go to pick up the phone, and you’ve been rejected in the past, the memory of that rejection suddenly pops into your conscious mind and your Little Voice starts sabotaging your thoughts by telling you that this call you’re about to make is High Risk and chances are you’ll get rejected again….!
So what do you do? Some of you won’t even make the call, some of you will make the call with the Fear of rejection in mind – and guess what happens next – yep you get rejected again, and some of you will make the call and have managed that fear in the process. Those of us in this last group, whether we realise it or not, have conditioned ourselves to be able to face the fear and manage the Little Voice so that we can move forward, make the call and get the success we so richly deserve. The rest of us are conditioned to the point of either not making the call or getting rejected and taking it personally.
So why not learn the tools to be able to manage your Little Voice in every situation so that you can make the best decisions, lower your emotions and raise your intelligence so that ultimately you will get the results you really want and be who you really want to be, without any more effort whatsoever.
Little Voice Management Systems are vital in the moment to overcome what your Little Voice is saying and propel you into action. Make the call and ask for more money.
For those people who find this a persistent problem there is a longer term solution that will quiet the Little Voice permanently or have it be just a quiet whisper. This is achieved by removing the emotional hot button causing the Little Voice to scream, “You are in danger of being rejected.” The great news is that Tom Stone at Great Life Technologies has perfected a technique to allow us to dissolve the emotional hot button and eliminate the emotional reactions.
When we eliminate the emotional reactions we don’t have to do nearly as much Little Voice Management and we can put the rest of the sales techniques Gavin teaches us into more effective use, faster.
Wishing you greater sales success;
Lynne Brisdon, Jacque Small and Gavin Mills
Register for the next Emotional Hot Button Removal Workshop
Monday, May 31, 2010
Stop Politics and Back-Stabbing at Work
A recent comment stated; "There are days when I hear my friends' stories of corporate politics and back-stabbing.... I wonder... why do people have to play that way?"
Have you encountered conflict, politics and back-stabbing, in your business or workplace?
Continuing our theme on Effective Meetings, we explore this common occurance and share solutions.
What's Wrong with Politics?
For our purposes let's define politics as the act of being committed to and going for a goal. The potential for conflict arises when people are pursuing different goals, such as: a different vision and strategy for where the company or group should be headed; different goals competing for the same resources. Or when people are competing for promotions, money and recognition within or outside of the organization.
Having diverse viewpoints is only natural, so why does 'politics' get labelled as bad? This stems predominantly from the level of attachment to perspectives or agendas and because many of us are poor communicators. Those with dominating personality styles tend to communicate their ideas forcefully and those who are more reserved sit back and listen and share their points of view cautiously.
Problems typically arise when a couple of dominant people in a meeting have opposing goals and charged emotions. They may also have poor communication skills and are not really hearing what the other person has to say and speaking before others have finished speaking. (You probably have other examples to add). We see and hear the behaviour of the speakers, but we don't know what emotional buttons are being pushed on the inside, in both the dominant speakers and the more reserved people. Now we have conflict in the room.
How Effective Are Your Meetings?
Take our Meeting Survey and find out.
Characters in the example above are exhibiting behaviours from points #5 and #10 in the Effective Meeting Survey.
#5 One or two members dominate the meeting.
#10 People start to disagree with others before they really understand what's being said.
At this point there are likely a whole variety of emotional reactions taking place. The speakers may have become frustrated and angry in their heated debate. If they are passionate about their opposing goals they are likely trying to force an outcome and are ignoring each other's perspectives. Others in the room may be feeling anxiety with the tone of the conversation, which causes them to shut down and withhold their perspectives for fear of being rejected. It is safer not to enter into the turmoil and to keep quiet. The meeting continues and often no clear outcome is achieved. At best the topic is tabled for further research and discussion.
How Can You Stop Back-Stabbing?
Our scenario sets up a ripe field for the negative aspects of 'politics' as identified in the meeting effectiveness survey:
#11 Following meetings, post-mortems are held behind closed doors about what really went on.
#18 There is seldom any checking to see whether the group has gone off track, or if the meeting was an effective use of time.
Let's consider for a moment what the range of emotions might be among the group. One of the speakers might be feeling some triumph and eagerness, others frustration and exasperation and still others relief that the uneasiness and tension within the meeting is over.
Where is the post-mortem of the meeting held? Likely the meeting review is conducted in the hallways, the bathroom and at coffee. This is where the real conversation takes place. Opponents start to line up their supporters for the next round and say less than impeccable things about the other speaker and their goal. This can spiral into a contagious negative environment that no one really wants to be a part of, but can't figure out why it exists. As stated in a recent comment I came across; "There are days when I hear my friends' stories of corporate politics and back-stabbing.... I wonder... why do people have to play that way?"
Change The Game
There are a couple of ways to change the game. They include improving meeting structure and changing your personal game.
Tips for Improving Meeting Structure
1. Determine a clear objective for the meeting?
2. As the chair learn to manage the group's communication more effectively?
3. At the end of every meeting do a check in to find out what went well and what could be improved.
4. Create space for everyone to speak their truth.
Shifting how you Manage Yourself
Many of my clients have left the corporate world, because of the conflicted environments they worked in. Some even experienced stress related health problems. They soon realize though, opting to start their own business requires excellent communication and relationship building skills. We often focus on strategies for respectuful communication and increased positivity in relationships.
· Be quiet: listen to other's ideas completely before speaking.
· Ask questions to gain further insight
· Take time out when emotionally upset,
later share only your own feelings without blaming or judging
· Be impeccable: decline listening to gossip
· Speaking positively about others, validate their strenghs.
Some of the Hot Buttons we remove are:
· The need to be right
· Ignoring other people's perspectives
· Fear of not being accepted.
· Being judgemental of others.
Sign up for the next Emotional Hot Button Removal Workshop
You can read my colleague Jacque's Post-Corporate story at:
http://workeasy4lifebalance.com/rel/back-stabbing-at-work
Changing the negative aspects of politics in any work place requires the willingness to communicate positively and effectively, impeccability and being someone who appreciates and validates others.
Wishing you engaging, collaborative, synergistic meetings, and a healthy back!
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
Living In Vision Enterprises Inc.
Have you encountered conflict, politics and back-stabbing, in your business or workplace?
Continuing our theme on Effective Meetings, we explore this common occurance and share solutions.
What's Wrong with Politics?
For our purposes let's define politics as the act of being committed to and going for a goal. The potential for conflict arises when people are pursuing different goals, such as: a different vision and strategy for where the company or group should be headed; different goals competing for the same resources. Or when people are competing for promotions, money and recognition within or outside of the organization.
Having diverse viewpoints is only natural, so why does 'politics' get labelled as bad? This stems predominantly from the level of attachment to perspectives or agendas and because many of us are poor communicators. Those with dominating personality styles tend to communicate their ideas forcefully and those who are more reserved sit back and listen and share their points of view cautiously.
Problems typically arise when a couple of dominant people in a meeting have opposing goals and charged emotions. They may also have poor communication skills and are not really hearing what the other person has to say and speaking before others have finished speaking. (You probably have other examples to add). We see and hear the behaviour of the speakers, but we don't know what emotional buttons are being pushed on the inside, in both the dominant speakers and the more reserved people. Now we have conflict in the room.
How Effective Are Your Meetings?
Take our Meeting Survey and find out.
Characters in the example above are exhibiting behaviours from points #5 and #10 in the Effective Meeting Survey.
#5 One or two members dominate the meeting.
#10 People start to disagree with others before they really understand what's being said.
At this point there are likely a whole variety of emotional reactions taking place. The speakers may have become frustrated and angry in their heated debate. If they are passionate about their opposing goals they are likely trying to force an outcome and are ignoring each other's perspectives. Others in the room may be feeling anxiety with the tone of the conversation, which causes them to shut down and withhold their perspectives for fear of being rejected. It is safer not to enter into the turmoil and to keep quiet. The meeting continues and often no clear outcome is achieved. At best the topic is tabled for further research and discussion.
How Can You Stop Back-Stabbing?
Our scenario sets up a ripe field for the negative aspects of 'politics' as identified in the meeting effectiveness survey:
#11 Following meetings, post-mortems are held behind closed doors about what really went on.
#18 There is seldom any checking to see whether the group has gone off track, or if the meeting was an effective use of time.
Let's consider for a moment what the range of emotions might be among the group. One of the speakers might be feeling some triumph and eagerness, others frustration and exasperation and still others relief that the uneasiness and tension within the meeting is over.
Where is the post-mortem of the meeting held? Likely the meeting review is conducted in the hallways, the bathroom and at coffee. This is where the real conversation takes place. Opponents start to line up their supporters for the next round and say less than impeccable things about the other speaker and their goal. This can spiral into a contagious negative environment that no one really wants to be a part of, but can't figure out why it exists. As stated in a recent comment I came across; "There are days when I hear my friends' stories of corporate politics and back-stabbing.... I wonder... why do people have to play that way?"
Change The Game
There are a couple of ways to change the game. They include improving meeting structure and changing your personal game.
Tips for Improving Meeting Structure
1. Determine a clear objective for the meeting?
2. As the chair learn to manage the group's communication more effectively?
3. At the end of every meeting do a check in to find out what went well and what could be improved.
4. Create space for everyone to speak their truth.
Shifting how you Manage Yourself
Many of my clients have left the corporate world, because of the conflicted environments they worked in. Some even experienced stress related health problems. They soon realize though, opting to start their own business requires excellent communication and relationship building skills. We often focus on strategies for respectuful communication and increased positivity in relationships.
· Be quiet: listen to other's ideas completely before speaking.
· Ask questions to gain further insight
· Take time out when emotionally upset,
later share only your own feelings without blaming or judging
· Be impeccable: decline listening to gossip
· Speaking positively about others, validate their strenghs.
Some of the Hot Buttons we remove are:
· The need to be right
· Ignoring other people's perspectives
· Fear of not being accepted.
· Being judgemental of others.
Sign up for the next Emotional Hot Button Removal Workshop
You can read my colleague Jacque's Post-Corporate story at:
http://workeasy4lifebalance.com/rel/back-stabbing-at-work
Changing the negative aspects of politics in any work place requires the willingness to communicate positively and effectively, impeccability and being someone who appreciates and validates others.
Wishing you engaging, collaborative, synergistic meetings, and a healthy back!
Lynne Brisdon, PCC
Living In Vision Enterprises Inc.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Holding Effective Meetings
There are many challenges to face when leading a meeting and how you respond to these challenges will determine whether meetings are highly engaging and productive, or if they are tedious, spiral out of control and become very tense.
How Effective Are Your Meetings?
Being Prepared
Preparation and planning for facilitation of an effective meeting is the first step. You can find resources to guide this process in Masterful Meetings the 2005 newsletter series written by my colleague Jacque, which you can download here.
This new series of articles focuses on various external challenges arising in meetings and an assortment of internal challenges that can get in the way of managing meetings resourcefully.
How you present yourself as the meeting leader has a huge impact on the energy in the room and the quality of the meeting. Whoever leads the meeting holds the position of power in the room. The more resourceful you are in your role the easier it is for you to lead a meeting, and the more productive the meeting.
Take the Survey
We have included a link to a survey for you to evaluate your meeting effectiveness. Print the survey, complete it and then post your answers on line. Come back to check out how your team compares to other teams and notice where the biggest challenges are.
Printable Meeting Effectiveness Survey
Online Meeting Effectiveness Survey
Handling Distracting Behaviour
Sometimes people create distractions by showing up late, taking calls in meetings or missing meetings. Whats the best way to handle these situations? How do you respond?
The first thing to notice is how this affects you emotionally. Does this frustrate you or are you feeling something even more intense, like outrage? Often when we have these kinds of feelings our Ego manufactures a negative interpretation about the situation and we over-react. If this happens, it is unlikely you will respond in a resourceful way.
The best thing to do in the moment is take a deep breath and ask to speak privately with the person afterward. Your conversation can include some of the following questions:
· What is causing you to be late for meetings?
· What would it take for you to respect the team's agreed meeting time?
And if your team has a Code of Conduct or Team Charter:
· What is your understanding of the team code of conduct?
· What could bring you into alignment with the team code?
By having this type of conversation you are letting the person know that their behaviour is not working for the team at the same time as showing concern for them. Being curious about what is going on in their life let's them know you care about what's affecting their behaviour.
Here are guidelines for establishing a Code of Conduct or a Team Charter.
Managing Domineering Speakers
Another dynamic that shuts down meeting effectiveness is when a couple of people do all the talking whlle others remain quiet. Your role as the meeting leader is to engage everyone in the room to benefit from their knowledge.
Engaging people who don't normally contribute requires you to be really present to the conversation in the room and noticing who is, and who isn't talking. Then simply request the following from people who have not spoken:
· John, what could you add to this conversation?
· Sylvia, we would like to hear your thoughts.
After asking these questions, be quiet and don't let anyone else interrupt these people. John and Sylvia have been sitting on the sidelines listening, formulating their ideas, editing them and re-editing them. The quiet person tends to limit their self-expression due to concerns that their opinion is not important or it will not receive approval. For the patient listener these people usually have pearls of wisdom to share.
Managing people who dominate the room is a different challenge. Often, these are quick thinkers, expressive and have a tendency to exclude other's perspectives. There is a tendency to come from the place of "knowing the right answer" and then wanting to express it to receive approval from other participants.
As meeting leader you will likely have to be more direct to manage this and ask the person who is speaking to hold their thoughts so that others in the room can express theirs.
Once again, notice what is happening with your own emotions. If you are feeling apprehension or worry about managing the situation, then you may be over-reacting to the circumstances or making up a story about how someone will react when you ask them to create space for other's to speak.
Meetings create all sorts of opportunities for people's emotional reactions, including the leader's. Your challenge is to stay as centered as possible in the present moment and manage the flow of the conversation in the room. Breathing is a good strategy in the heat of the moment.
If your emotional buttons get pushed in meetings you may want to remove them, to make your role as leader much easier.
Register for the next Hot Button Removal Workshop
How Effective Are Your Meetings?
Being Prepared
Preparation and planning for facilitation of an effective meeting is the first step. You can find resources to guide this process in Masterful Meetings the 2005 newsletter series written by my colleague Jacque, which you can download here.
This new series of articles focuses on various external challenges arising in meetings and an assortment of internal challenges that can get in the way of managing meetings resourcefully.
How you present yourself as the meeting leader has a huge impact on the energy in the room and the quality of the meeting. Whoever leads the meeting holds the position of power in the room. The more resourceful you are in your role the easier it is for you to lead a meeting, and the more productive the meeting.
Take the Survey
We have included a link to a survey for you to evaluate your meeting effectiveness. Print the survey, complete it and then post your answers on line. Come back to check out how your team compares to other teams and notice where the biggest challenges are.
Printable Meeting Effectiveness Survey
Online Meeting Effectiveness Survey
Handling Distracting Behaviour
Sometimes people create distractions by showing up late, taking calls in meetings or missing meetings. Whats the best way to handle these situations? How do you respond?
The first thing to notice is how this affects you emotionally. Does this frustrate you or are you feeling something even more intense, like outrage? Often when we have these kinds of feelings our Ego manufactures a negative interpretation about the situation and we over-react. If this happens, it is unlikely you will respond in a resourceful way.
The best thing to do in the moment is take a deep breath and ask to speak privately with the person afterward. Your conversation can include some of the following questions:
· What is causing you to be late for meetings?
· What would it take for you to respect the team's agreed meeting time?
And if your team has a Code of Conduct or Team Charter:
· What is your understanding of the team code of conduct?
· What could bring you into alignment with the team code?
By having this type of conversation you are letting the person know that their behaviour is not working for the team at the same time as showing concern for them. Being curious about what is going on in their life let's them know you care about what's affecting their behaviour.
Here are guidelines for establishing a Code of Conduct or a Team Charter.
Managing Domineering Speakers
Another dynamic that shuts down meeting effectiveness is when a couple of people do all the talking whlle others remain quiet. Your role as the meeting leader is to engage everyone in the room to benefit from their knowledge.
Engaging people who don't normally contribute requires you to be really present to the conversation in the room and noticing who is, and who isn't talking. Then simply request the following from people who have not spoken:
· John, what could you add to this conversation?
· Sylvia, we would like to hear your thoughts.
After asking these questions, be quiet and don't let anyone else interrupt these people. John and Sylvia have been sitting on the sidelines listening, formulating their ideas, editing them and re-editing them. The quiet person tends to limit their self-expression due to concerns that their opinion is not important or it will not receive approval. For the patient listener these people usually have pearls of wisdom to share.
Managing people who dominate the room is a different challenge. Often, these are quick thinkers, expressive and have a tendency to exclude other's perspectives. There is a tendency to come from the place of "knowing the right answer" and then wanting to express it to receive approval from other participants.
As meeting leader you will likely have to be more direct to manage this and ask the person who is speaking to hold their thoughts so that others in the room can express theirs.
Once again, notice what is happening with your own emotions. If you are feeling apprehension or worry about managing the situation, then you may be over-reacting to the circumstances or making up a story about how someone will react when you ask them to create space for other's to speak.
Meetings create all sorts of opportunities for people's emotional reactions, including the leader's. Your challenge is to stay as centered as possible in the present moment and manage the flow of the conversation in the room. Breathing is a good strategy in the heat of the moment.
If your emotional buttons get pushed in meetings you may want to remove them, to make your role as leader much easier.
Register for the next Hot Button Removal Workshop
Monday, March 15, 2010
Stay Focused on Your Game Plan
To win any game including the game of business and life a game plan is vital. This article takes you through a process to set you up to win on a consistent basis.
The Game Plan was compiled by my colleague Jacque Small of Catalyst Business Coaching and we're sharing it with you because we believe that everyone can work easier
Download samples of the Playbook and Game Plan to follow along and create your own.
Master Your Game
It all starts with making a declaration what you are really committed to. I am committed to the game of being an internationally recognized coach and teacher. What’s your game?
In addition to a declaration, the Playbook for your game also includes:
• Intention: knowing how you want feel and the experiences you want to have.
• Vision: knowing where you want to go.
• Mission: what is most important to you about playing this game? What is the biggest reason that you want to achieve it?
Read on for the remaining components of an effective Playbook and for verbal insturctions and tips listen to the March 3 Catalyst LIVE! radio show. Watch for the Focus on Your Game Plan archive to be posted on the Catalyst Business Coaching site.
Choose which Games you are playing.
Experience has shown it’s really important to know which Games you want to be playing. Playing too many games results in being overwhelmed or not achieving desired results, and this increases stress. Being stressed is contrary to the objective of Working Easy 4 Life Balance, otherwise known as working with flow. This means have developing clarity and limiting the number of games you participate in.
Having a Game Plan
Your Goals, specific metrics for achievement and Milestones, are places along the way to check to see if you are on target. Establishing a plan for each Game is recommended. This includes a combination of specific goals and milestones used to measure progress and achievements along the way throughout the year. Each week a Milestone is set for each game you are playing. Choose what to focus on to support this game in moving forward.
Clear weekly objectives or Milestones. While checking progress against milestones each week assess whether or not the plan is working. If they’re getting completed, then carry on playing all your games. If there are consistent No’s then you need to determine what the barriers are.
Are you playing games that aren’t on the plan? Do you want add these games to the plan, or do you need to say NO more often? Do you need to cancel one of the games you are playing? Or perhaps, adjust your game to have less aggressive milestones to will allow for an experience of success on a weekly basis. If you are currently playing 4 games, you could perhaps choose to play only 3 per week. Or maybe you could do a better job by leveraging your games and play two at once.
Build energy with weekly practices.
Without energy life feels hard and the whole sense of balance seems to disappear. Like any athlete you need to practice building energy. Components of energy practice include: spiritual (quiet mind – no thinking), sleep, exercise, food and hydration. All of these components are vital to having an energetic body and focused mind that works at its optimum level of creativity.
Play the Game.
The Game for the Week lists all the actions you commit to taking in the week to achieve milestones. The key is to make actions small discrete activities that when put together accomplish milestones. Milestones without activities have no game in mind for achievement. Success for this milestone could occur through pure intention. Just don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t come to fruition.
Post Game Review.
This is the final step. How did the week go? Were you being who you wanted to be? Did you reach your milestones? What did you learn from playing this week’s game and where might you like to adjust your game for next week or the coming weeks?
At the end of the Post Game Review, celebrate and allocate rewards for achieving my milestones and then set your plan for next week. Jacque’s reward is setting aside money to buy new golf clubs to improve her golf game. I go outside to play on my bike, skis or motorcycle! How would you like to reward yourself?
Wishing you a Masterful Game,
Quote: Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now. Alan Lakein, Author on Time Management
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